


Blood Revelations

by BlackCat513



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Blood Addiction, Blood Kink, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forbidden Love, M/M, a little little bit of Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-24 01:15:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackCat513/pseuds/BlackCat513
Summary: Jace feels that he should have died after touching the Soul Sword. Simon tries to help him forgive himself but ends up doing much more than that due to the connection they feel since he bit Jace. Important: Mostly Jace/Simon (Jimon), only a little bit of Malec. Explicit.“When we were connected, I knew you felt relief. You felt clear from all your thoughts and worries. Like you were completely giving in, letting yourself go from everything that was in your heart and mind… so much, that you even wanted to…”





	1. Blood revelations, part 1

Sixty four downworlders dead. Seelies, werewolves, vampires. Not Magnus, at least… for now.

He poured water into a glass and looked through it, his reflection distorted. The blond hair, tortured eyes and defeated pout, that was exactly what a traitor and a fool looked like when combined.

“Jace,” said a well-known voice and when Jace turned to his left, there he was. Simon, in his pajamas pants and t-shirt, entering the kitchen in the middle of the night of an almost empty Institute. “Clary asked me to check on you.”

Jace’s response was clear. “Leave,” he said, and he drank his glass of water as if Simon wasn’t there.

“She’s worried about you.”

As usual, Simon didn’t need to do much for Jace to know exactly what his vampire face looked like -scared, tense, frowning- without even looking at him. Jace chose to walk pass him, bitterness on the tip of his tongue after a long sleepless night. “Well, too bad for her. I don’t wanna see her, and I won’t take her messengers either.”

He was about to leave the kitchen when Simon muttered, “I wish there was something I could say to help out.”

Jace stopped for a second, not wanting to turn around. “You can’t. Nobody can.”

With that, he left Simon behind and went to his bedroom. When the door was closed, he got into his underwear to be comfortable and leaned on the window. It was really dark at 2am. Dark, and heavy, not just because of the hour but because the world was a more horrible place as from now on, thanks to him. He was reflecting on what he had missed out in Valentin’s words about what was really happening. Right now he had no idea what to do next, the world was upside down and there was no way to fix it, no way to put patches on something that was already broken. Like him.

A knock on the door stopped his train of thought. Tired and wishing to find nobody there, he got closer to the bedroom’s entrance. Simon’s voice came out from the other side.  
“Jace? Really, can we talk?”

Couldn’t he just leave him alone? Deep down inside, Jace knew it’d be impossible. If Clary had asked him to make sure that Jace was all right, he was never going to stop. Therefore, Jace opened the door.

“Hey, sorry, I’m sorry, I know you said I shouldn’t…” apologized Simon, and then his eyes landed on Jace’s. He frowned, probably when he saw marks of tears on Jace’s face. “Can I come in? It’ll be just a sec,” Simon added, and Jace shook his head, walking into the room. Simon entered as well and closed the door behind him. “You shouldn’t blame yourself. You couldn’t know you would activate the…”

“I think we’ve already had this conversation. What do you want now?” asked Jace, sitting on the bed.

As expected, Simon started talking non-stop, even if he seemed tired. “Just to tell you that… I know what it feels like. To not know what you’re capable of. To think you’re one person one moment, and the next you just have no idea about anything anymore, except that you could hurt others so much…” Simon’s words hung in the air, and he took a deep breath, folding his arms with discomfort. “I know it’s not the same, but I thought my life was over when I got turned. I thought I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, being dangerous to everyone around me. Not being able to be near Clary…” Simon gulped, as if he did not want to get into that particular subject, and yet he said, “It wasn’t easy. I already loved her then… and I know you love her now, too.”

There was the bomb. If there was something Jace was missing, was to talk about how impossible his relationship with Clary was.. or had been… or would always be. “I can’t love her, ok? And she’s not even my sister,” he snapped.

Simon seemed to have freezed all of a sudden, out of confusion. “What?”

“You heard me. Valentine told me that she’s not my sister and that he’s not my father.”

“But before, he…”

“I know, but it was all a lie. He was holding the Soul-Sword when he said it. He wasn’t lying then.”

A shadow passed Simon’s face. He looked helpless now. “Oh. So that means you and Clary can…”

“No,” Jace stated, no doubt in his mind. “She’s with you. She’s happy. As long as you do things right, I’m not gonna get in the way.”

There was a moment of silence when they looked at each other. Jace swallowed, sure that he would honor his promise, even if it killed him inside.

///

“Ok. I believe you,” concluded Simon. He knew that Jace really loved Clary, and would never do anything to sabotage whatever made her smile. Still, Simon could sense that part of Jace’s speech was made out of guilt, like he was punishing himself over and over again without ever planning to stop. “I’m sorry, but I have to say it again. You shouldn’t blame yourself…”

“I should be dead,” stated Jace, and took a deep breath, lowering his gaze and probably reflecting on what his own disappearance from the world would mean.

“No… don’t say that.” Simon took a step forward, not knowing how to revert the terrible thoughts that might be running through Jace’s mind.

“No, you don’t understand. That was the solution for everything,” said Jace, visibly making an effort to control the rhythm of his words and his tone. “We put a master plan in place, and all for what? Our friends and allies are dead, and the Soul-Sword is gone. I could have killed Magnus without even realizing it. It was just a matter of luck that he wasn’t in the room, and then Alec would have never forgiven…” He stopped, closed his eyes and opened them again. “Forget it. This is my burden, not yours.”

“It is mine, too. I drank your blood, remember? You saved me.” Simon took another step forward.

“I should have let you kill me. Would have been far better than this,” said Jace.

“No, because Valentine lied and we have to stop whatever he’s trying to do. We need you… and we’ll keep reminding you of it as long as necessary.” Simon said the words like he really meant it.

In that moment, Jace’s voice got tampered with anger. “Don’t try to be my therapist. Besides, I’m a lost cause.”

Simon took another two steps forwards, leaning barely over Jace to make his point. “You’re not. You’re really not.” He was clearly showing compassion.

“How can you say that?”

“Because if you are, we all are. When I was drinking your blood, I could see into your mind. I just knew what you felt.” He was talking softly, trying to make him understand. Jace probably hated him for it, but it didn’t matter.

“You couldn’t possibly know how I felt in that precise moment,” Jace stated, eyes darkening.

“But I did. It’s a different thing that I choose not to bring it up… unless I have to.” Simon felt nervous about explaining himself, but he was ready to receive a punch right on the face if it made Jace feel better. “And I’m really sorry. I thought about things… you know what I mean. They weren’t right… with you. They were crazy, actually.”

Simon had to say it, and it didn’t surprise him that Jace got tense. “You thought I was Clary.”

Jace knew, and Simon continued, “Yes, but I didn’t see any difference between you and her, so I kept going… I kept drinking… because you were responding. I should have stopped but I couldn’t. It was just too strong, and it felt too good to be with…” Ok, Simon was probably reveiling too much. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Jace swallowed. “It’s ok. I know what you mean. I don’t know why, but when you bit me, I let myself go… I knew that a vampire drinking your blood could make you feel that, but I never imagined…” he murmured, and he stopped, as if he’d realized he’d been about to expose his feelings.

Simon knew exactly what he was talking about. He’d felt it. The truth was that in that moment, it had been like all the frustration, all the worry, all the hate and sadness had suddently go away, making room for… well, something completely inappropriate the two of them should never talk about again. They’d been far too intimate just by sharing blood, to be in a room alone now, just chatting about it.

“You sure you don’t want another bite?” said Simon, to lighten the mood.

Jace shook his head. “Very funny. I understand Izzy now, but I’m not like her.”

“I know. You’d be far worse,” answered Simon, smiling softly, and he shrugged. “Just joking.”

“Thank you for taking care of Clary. You’re important for her,” admitted Jace changing the subject.

Simon thought Jace felt defeated in the battle for Clary’s heart. Even if he was happy to have her, he couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. “You too. She cares about you.”

“Yeah. She’s probably the only one,” said Jace. His intention was probably to make a joke, but his words ended up sounding weird and depressed.

Simon was very serious when he muttered, “She’s not. I worry about you too. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

Jace couldn’t understand. “Why?”

Simon deeply reflected on his answer. “I don’t know. I just… I just do. Even more after we… anyway,” he said, feeling uncomfrotable, and he was, because he didn’t really know what this conversation was getting them into. He signaled the door. “I should probably…”

“Yeah.”

Jace walked Simon to the door, and when it was open, he stopped to clarify something. “Simon, I know I’m being a jackass. I can’t help it, but I want you to know that it’s not personal.”

“I get it. But you’re not alone,” insisted Simon, who never gave up on his reasons to make people feel important and cared for.

“Listen, your intentions are good, but what I’m going through is not the same as becoming a vampire. You don’t understand…”

“I told you, I do. When we were connected, I knew you felt relief. You felt clear from all your thoughts and worries. Like you were completely giving in, letting yourself go from everything that was in your heart and mind… so much, that you even wanted to…”

Simon stopped. He knew what he’d say if he kept going. He would basically explain how Jace had thought of him, the things he wanted to do if they were alone, and how, and how much he didn’t care that the other person turned out to be Simon, whom he mocked so much all the time. Also saying all that would mean that Simon would expose himself as well, as he had thought exactly the same thing -that he wanted Jace no matter what, in a world where Clary was a long lost memory.

It was crazy, and still there was something in the air between them, something strong, like an energy that didn’t let Simon leave the room. Jace had also gone silent. He hadn’t said goodbye. He was just standing there, by the door, eyes red again, skin too pale, and the look of someone who’d been abandoned by all hope. As if he wanted to say something but couldn’t, Jace run his fingers through his hair, messing it up. That was when Simon caught the sight of his wrist. It still had two marks on them and although they were not bleeding, they were pretty open.

“It… it hasn’t healed,” he observed, and Jace barely nodded. He looked as his bitten wrist, like it represented the last time of his life he’d felt like something other than a complete disaster.

“I didn’t want to… use a rune. I wanted to remember what I did… whatever it is… I wanted to… just feel…” Jace’s eyes were full of tears that he was clearly holding back. Jace, who never showed vulneravility and always had a cocky answer for everything. When he looked up, Simon wanted only to help him desperately.

He took one last step forward, only one idea in his head, but stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t. Jace would never allow it, and it was wrong. How could he even think about it?

Yet Jace just stood there, looking at him. Begging in silence. Simon didn’t know if he was interpreting it right until Jace took a step forward himself. They look at each other, an unspoken agreement between both of them, and Jace pushed the door closed, leaving them both inside again, away from everyone else.

They walked back to the middle of the room and met halfway, without talking. Jace offered his wrist, and Simon took it, like it was the natural, desperate, correct thing to do. He got his fangs out and keeping his eyes on Jace’s, he bit him, trying to not damage the skin too much.

At first, it felt absolutely wonderful. All the blood entering Simon’s system, giving him strength, telling him that he was a powerful creature that had the right to take whatever he wanted. Whenever he got that rush, product of a possible future addiction, Simon found it very hard to fight his instincts, but this was different. This type of Angelic blood was something he’d only tasted once, and it was from Jace, and it tasted so new, so pure, so perfect and heavenly, that it was impossible to leave it.

The next time he opened his eyes, he was above Jace, who was sprawled over the bed. Simon continued drinking, not being able to stop, until a sudden feeling of being slightly overdosed got to him. He removed the wrist from his mouth, feeling the warm blood leaking from his lips, and saw Jace’s face very close, eyes dark and mouth open, chest going up and down… and when Simon looked further below, he found Jace was palming himself over his underwear slowly like it was torture. He watched him move his hand over and over again, suffering to get some friction through his boxers, and couldn’t help but lower his head to that same spot to place an open mouthed kiss on that covered, aching cock.

And Jace moaned, his eyes rolling back, every time Simon’s tongue danced and pressed on his member, the bitten wrist resting over the sheets. Simon felt him writhe beneath him, the sound of Jace’s blood in his ears while the liquid was still pumping through his veins, and it was like he could not deny him the pleasure.

But it was Simon’s pleasure too the one he wanted to satisfy, and he knew Jace was tugging at his pajama pants, demanding that he took them off. Simon obeyed his commands without any resistance. Vampire speed felt completely natural as he took his t-shirt, pants and underwear off and lowered Jace’s boxers as well. It took him two seconds to get ready and to spit on his hand and place it on Jace. And then Simon was positioning himself over that damp cock, knowing that Jace would guide himself into his open and welcoming hole.

Wrist to mouth again, their exchange was short but more intense than anything Simon had felt before. Speeding up without warning, just to get slow and heavy a second later, Jace filling Simon up with blood and his body, Simon taking everything from Jace as if he were his, forever, until they were spent. A minute later, Jace’s frantic movements made him empty himself inside Simon, and Simon let a soft moan out when he came over his and Jace’s stomach.

But it wasn’t over. Jace was urging him with his free hand to move, to turn around, and Simon did. He turned very quickly, just shifting the angle to keep drinking from Jace’s wrist one last time. But when he felt the tip of Jace’s tongue dipping into his most intimate area, licking the fluid that was dripping from him, that was too much. He drank faster, and harder, and all he could hear were moans beneath him, desperate noises to get more and more and more.

Until the sounds were over, and all that was left was heavy breathing and tiny licks on two bite marks. The aftermath of something forbidden and sinful.

By the time Simon realized where he really was and with whom, he didn’t know what to do with himself. With shaky hands but with great care, he laid Jace’s hand over the sheets, and removed himself from the bed. He put his clothes on silently, and then walked towards the door, wanting to disappear.

He just looked back once.

Jace was still laying on the bed, all flustered and out of himself, breathing with his mouth barely open, as if he was trying to finish riding out his ecstasy somehow. Simon turned around immediately and left, scared by the intensity of it. He closed the door with a slow movement so that nobody heard, and then walked down the empty corridor without really being able to grasp what had happened inside that room.

///

To be continued...


	2. Blood revelations, part 2

Forget and continue. Live and let live, wasn’t that what people usually said for like, everything?

Simon wished there was some sort of magic that could be done to erase what had happened. It was still all a bliss because of the strong taste of the blood, but he still remembered everything all too well to stop feeling guilty…

He put his hands in his pockets, waiting at the entrance of the Hunter's Moon. The sound of the door opening startled him and when he turned around, Maia was walking towards him with a paper bag in her hand.

“Ok, here’s your order, to go… Are you on a diet?” she asked, handing him a bottle of fresh blood that was a little bit too light compared to what he usually drank.

Simon grabbed the bagged bottle and shrugged. “Um… no. Just… my stomach doesn’t feel good.” He was so bad when he lied. Still, Maia seemed to buy it. Sometimes people believed everything when they believed you were cute, or when you could pull off a convincing sad smile.

“Sorry.”

“I’ll live. Unlike everyone else,” said Simon, remembering all the people who’d died at the Institute when Valentine had attacked it, helped by all the summoned demons he could get.

“The memorials will not fix it but it’s still something, and it’s a nice gesture that Downworlders can act united in this for once. All of us are going through hell. Thank you for helping out…”

“It’s what everyone should do,” said Simon. “And thank you. Not just for this… for everything.” His heart warmed up just thinking about how understanding Maia was with him despite all of his goofiness and undecisiveness. He took twenty dollars from his pocket and offered them to her, but she rejected the bill.

“It’s on the house,” she said, pointing at the bottle. “Where are you going?”

Good question.

“The Institute. Gotta help Clary,” he said, and he immediately thought that he also had to help Jace because well, they were family. Oh well, not anymore. Because Clary could be with whoever he wanted, and if Jace was free, the decision was obvious. Jace and Clary belonged together, just like before when they weren’t related, and there was nothing he could do about it.

The odd thing was somehow he felt replaced, not by Jace but by Clary. That was completely absurd. He was not nearly in the same position as Clary in that situation, and would never be. Not that he wanted to, of course.

Shaking the crazy thoughts from his head, Simon headed towards the Institute. He had decided to go look for Clary first of all, but as soon as he entered he found Jace and Alec at the main board, in the middle of a fierce discussion and only separated by a holographic floor map that hung in the air.

“I can’t go with you,” said Jace from one side of the table. “If I was able to actívate the Soul Sword, I could be able to do lots of things I’m not even aware of…”

“Really? So you’re just gonna stay here and do nothing.”

“It’s the safest thing for all, and you still don’t want to listen to me…”

“No, _you_ listen to me,” answered Alec, clearly pissed off. “You gotta stop blaiming yourself! You’re not focused, and we can’t have mistakes right now. Jace, tell me that you understand.”

“Sure. Whatever you say, Alec,” said Jace with a sarcastic smile, and thew his Stele on the table, making the map disappear into thin air. Alec rolled his eyes; Jace started going down the stairs towards the main floor, until he saw Simon, and stopped in his tracks with a horrified look on his face.

Simon could only wave his hand and smile awkwardly. “Hi.”

It was like Jace was frozen. They were just standing there, looking at each other, until Alec joined them there.

“What?” asked Alec, irritated, as if he didn’t have time for whatever Simon wanted.

“Nothing. I didn’t mean to interrupt…” said Simon, like an apology.

“But you did.” Jace looked angry, like he wanted to punch him but was restraining himself.

Simon felt like he had to make a point because really, Jace could go to hell if he thought he could treat him like that. If any, they were both equally responsable for their exchange from last night. So, he said, “Ok, yeah. I did. I interrupted your incredibly important fight about how broken you are.” Then Simon added, “And I think that Alec is right. You shouldn’t let what happened control your emotions.”

Jace’s eyes burned him like hell, but Simon knew they were both thinking about the same thing. Damn it, Simon had nailed… no… that was not a good word to use… whatever.  
Alec took at deep breath and looked at Jace. “See? Even _he_ knows you’re insane.”

Despite the comment that could have made him feel bad, Simon decided that he was going to let that one go.

But Jace was furious and he said to Alec, “Oh, yes. Trust the unexperienced vampire, that’s the best thing you can do,” he said with irony. Then he turned to Simon, went towards him and muttered through greeted teeth, “And you. You have no word in this, is that understood?”

Ok, that was a little bit too rough. Simon didn’t know what to say next. They were face to face, very close, until Alec stood beside them.

“Ok. What’s going on here?” he asked, looking worried.

“Nothing,” Jace and Simon said in unison, and they broke their closeness. Simon was kind of angry that they both denied it but didn’t know why.

“No. You two are acting strange. Is there something I should know?” Alec asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

Jace immediately went from looking furious to laughing like it was all a joke. He went and patted Alec’s shoulder like they weren’t fighting a minute ago. “Ok, Alec, if you think there could be a secret between Simon and me, I think you’re seriously allucinating,” he said, and then moved to a completely different subject. “I didn’t see you last night. You were at Magnus’ place, I guess.”

“Yes. Why?”

“Simon tried to help me last night. He came to my room and we talked,” said Jace, looking at Simon like he remembered. “Is that right?”

Simon swallowed. “Yes,” he confirmed with a shaky voice.

“And then what?” asked Alec, curious.

Jace kept looking at Simon as he answered. “We talked. Obviously we didn’t agree, just like always, and we fought.” He shrugged, like it’d been nothing. “And then he left, out of anger. But it’s all forgotten now, isn’t it?”

“Of course,” said Simon, thankful that the entire Institute didn’t know what had happened in Jace’s room before. He looked at Alec, who frowned at both of them. It didn’t take a scientist to know that there was something they were not telling him, but despite the lack of details, the story somehow made sense.

“Fine. As long as you two have worked it out,” Alec concluded, and then focused on Jace. “I want you armed and ready in fifteen. No excuses,” he ordered, and then he went back to the board. There, he took Jace’s Stele and threw it to him. Jace caught it on the air. Alec uploaded the map hologram again and went back to work on it.

Next thing Simon knew, Jace was walking away. He had the impression that the talk could not end there, even if a minute later he’d wanted to just get out of the Institute, so he followed him. “Jace… wait.”

Jace didn’t seem very pleased about it as soon as he noticed someone was behind him. “What do you want?” he asked in a harsh way, not looking back.

“Is it all really forgotten as you said?” Simon asked, both walking one before the other at close distance. “Because somehow I can’t forget.”

“About what?”

“Last night.”

Jace stopped where he was and turned around to look at him in the eye and state, “Nothing happened last night, nothing more than just a discussion, remember? And even if it had, we’re not talking about it. Not with anyone, not between us, ever.”

Simon took a deep breath, thinking that probably that was the best option. “Ok, ok. I can go with that. But we need to start acting normal or everyone is going to notice something. I don’t know about you, but I suck at making up stories. When I was at home and my mom kept asking where I’d been all night, I had to lie and I think that even if she pretended to believed me, she really didn’t most of the time. Once I told her I’d been waiting for a pizza… for six hours. And she said it was ok, and she asked me if it’d been any good at the end. See? That’s how bad I am, so if this is gonna work, you have to be the one to come up with the excuses.” When Simon stopped talking, he saw that Jace had his arms crossed and was looking at him like he was bored.

“Are you done?”

So maybe he’d talked a little bit too much. “I guess.”

Jace looked tense. He didn’t say anything for a moment, then he turned around. “Fine. You want normal? Let’s do normal. Help me choose the weapons, I gotta leave in fifteen or Alec’s gonna kill me.”

They went into the weapons area and started looking around. Simon contemplated the boards full of arrows, knives and swords, wondering what would be better. “He’s still right, you know. I mean, I think Alec’s worried about you and how you feel, but the best way to move forward is to keep doing what you usually do, trying to not let it affect you. You know… normal.” With that, Simon stopped before a specific knife that somehow reminded him of Jace. “What about this one?”

Jace turned to him and nodded. “It’s good. Take it and hold it tight for me, or someone else’s gonna get it first.” As soon as he said it and turned back to the board he was checking, he shut his eyes closed.

Yep. In the wrong context, what he’d just said…

“Don’t say it,” he warned, and opened his palm. “Give it to me,” Jace continued, only to mouth a silent curse right after. Simon got the reason why perfectly, and felt embarrased and weird. “Don’t,” added Jace, taking the knife from Simon’s hand. He looked at the weapon, and then took a deep breath. “This is not gonna work. Follow me. Now.”

He guided the way to the rooms, and stopped when they were near the one Simon was using himself for the nights he spent at the Institute to organize memorials. There, right by the door, where there was no one, Jace cornered Simon.

“You need to stop,” he said.

Simon could barely believe what he heard. “Stop what? You were the one who said all those things. I’m up to discuss it instead of not talking about it, maybe it’s better that way.”

“Discuss it?” repeated Jace. Someone passed them by, and he pushed Simon towards his room. The bed was full of magazines and band t-shirts, but Jace didn’t seem to care. “What do you want to discuss? That we…? Whatever. I don’t know how you’re so ok with it.”

“Do I look ok to you? Do you really think I got into your room expecting to…?” Simon started, and when he got a doubtful look from Jace, he added, “Just in case that’s not clear, I didn’t. I just wanted to help.”

Jace gave him a sarcastic smile. “Oh, and you did.”

“That’s your answer? Very mature.”

“Says the guy who wears monkey pajamas.”

“You weren’t exactly complaining about them last night, as far as I remember.”

Jace’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not. And at least I wasn’t in my underwear like I’m some sort of buffed up idiot showing myself off.”

With that, Jace raised his eyebrows, and he stated, “It was my room and I would have never…” He shook his head. “Look, let’s rationalize this. I was weak. That’s the reason why it happened. And you saw the marks and the blood and couldn’t help yourself.”

There was a moment of silence. Simon reflected on the conclusión. Yes, they could go with that. “Yes. Yes, that’s the reason, right? It has to be,” he muttered.

“I can’t think of anything else,” agreed Jace, and he run his fingers through his hair, exposing his still bitten wrist.

It only took a second for Simon to realize he was staring at the wound. Jace covered it with his other hand and muttered, “Gotta get out of here.”

“Yeah, sure,” said Simon, and he covered the fangs that had just popped up, but Jace didn’t move. “Why aren’t you leaving?”

Jace was looking at him, and he lifted his hand, exposing his wrist. “What you said today when I was fighting with Alec,” he muttered, getting closer. “You said that I shouldn’t let what happened control my emotions… Well, I think we need practice.” He put his wrist almost over Simon’s covered mouth. “Look at it. Don’t let it control you.”

His eyes were suddenly darker, and he was breathing heavily, walking forward. By the time Simon realized, he was against a wall, with Jace still ofering him his open wound.

“You gotta try,” said Jace, as if the idea of not begin able to handle the situation hurt him, “C’mon. You can do it. We can do it.”

Encouraged by those words, Simon took off his hand from over his mouth. He looked at Jace’s wrist and there was something about having it there, so close and available, that he couldn’t help to just stock his tongue out and lick it once.

It was heaven, and he closed his eyes, enjoying it. If he could just have one more bite…

He felt something covering him, and when he opened his eyes, Jace was still there, staring at his slips with a heavy gaze. Simon didn’t know what it meant until Jace leaned to lick the corner of his mouth…

It all went to hell as from that precise instant.

///

Jace didn’t know why he’d done it. Simon’s lips and the tongue that came out between them to lick his wrist, just made him want to experience the same thing. All of a sudden he wanted to know what it was like, to taste blood like that, to make someone feel so electrified with just one touch of his tongue, and he’d gotten his response. Somehow reciprocation was a big deal right there and there, just like it’d happened the last time, and hell, he wasn’t able to control neither his body or his mind.

Not even the first rush of adrenaline got him to fight back. He rested his body on Simon’s while Simon drank from his wrist, until he almost felt like flying, and then like passing out.

Someone held him standing up, and then carried him carefully to somewhere soft. It had to be Simon. When Jace opened his eyes, he had his back against black think covers, magazines and cheap t-shirts.

And there it was - Simon, looking down, with the blood in the corners of his lips. Jace followed his eyes and found that even if Simon was clearly trying to hold back, his gaze was also fixated on his wrist, bleeding over the bed.

Jace looked back at Simon and barely opened his mouth. Only a deep breath came out, as if he could only beg without words.

_Please. Just please._

Simon frowned with confusion, as if he knew that his next actions were inevitable, and then leaned over him. Jace felt strangely pleased to feel the weight of Simon’s body on him, like he’d been waiting for that for ages. He let Simon grab his wrist and lazily drink from it. He also let himself enjoy the sensations. Peace. Absolute freedom to be -and do- whoever he wanted.

A sudden memory of his own words earlier entered his mind in between the waves of intense pleasure, and he smiled with his eyes closed. Oh, yes. What he’d said before about Simon giving it to him, or just holding it tight, was their dirty little secret…

Now he felt uncomfortable in his own pants and he thrusted up one time, two times, until he felt a hand keeping him steady. He felt lips leaving his wrist and a his own pants being open. It wasn’t like the last time. Simon lowered his jeans at a high speed, although not fast enough for Jace to miss his movements, probably drunk from the sentations.

When Jace’s cock was free, it was like killing a million demons and saving the world forever a thousand times. Pure magnificense, a mix of torture and contained release.

Until he felt something at the tip. Looking down, he saw his member was sliding between Simon’s fangs, right in the middle, and into his mouth.

Jace inhaled sharply, shivers going down his spine, but cock twitching in response.

Fucking, deliciously, dangerous.

He let his head fall back and enjoyed it, completely. He couldn’t fight it, not when it felt so good. Simon’s tongue, his lips, just knowing that his fangs could kill him at any second...

Jace was surprised when Simon flipped them over, leaving him on top of the vampire as Simon continued sucking him off. However, Simon had also turned them upside down, and he had full access to Jace’s private area to do as much as he wanted…

…which also meant Jace could do what he wanted with Simon. Another lick, the wetness that didn’t stop, and Jace thought again about reciprocity. He was between Simon’s legs, after all. If he could just kneel, Simon could continue doing what he was doing, while he could…  
He knelt, and moaned heavily when Simon did something with his mouth that he didn’t expect. It was absolutely wonderful, and was this the blood or when had Simon learned all that?

Immediately, trying to compose his desperate breathing, Jace leaned to open Simon’s pants as fast as he could. He took his cock in his mouth and he sucked harder, using the energy he had left. Moan after moan after moan, and Simon came in his mouth. Jace swallowed everything, not even a doubt in his mind, and continued licking until his own release appeared, a few seconds later. Simon was deep throating him, asking him to move, and Jace did, thrusting in his willing mouth until he was empty. He felt Simon swallow and rode his orgasm moaning softly, until they were both done.

Jace rested his forehead against Simon’s spent cock, and felt like he could die there and then, without regrets. However, when he turned around slightly to find Simon’s face against his own trembling member, eyes dark and guilty, reality hit him. “… fuck,” he muttered, exhausted, against Simon’s thigh.

What had they done… again?

“Jace!” came Alec’s voice from outside the room. “We gotta go!”

“Shit,” said Jace, getting up immediately, and stumbling when leaving the bed. He felt like he wanted to sleep for a week, but still he made his best effort to pull up the zipper and arrange his hair. That was when he realized that, by the Angel, he hadn’t even taken his fucking jacket off.

“I told you, no excuses!” called Alec, as if he was knocking down all doors to find him. “You better be ready!”

Jace went towards the door, but stopped before leaving. He looked back and found Simon seated on the bed, giving him his back. He was clearly covering his face with his hands, as if he didn’t want anyone to see him, silent.

Of course that was the normal response, not sneaking out and avoiding the situation. Jace realized that something big was really happening there, and he closed his eyes, because he understood Simon’s pain.

“Jace, where the hell are you?” Alec’s voice was definitely closer.

Jace opened his eyes, bit his bottom lip and left.

///

To be continued...


	3. Blood revelations, part 3

“Jace!” said Alec, as soon as they came in into the Institute after a mission that ended up being all about fighting a demon who could mimick their skills, and therefore making them stay up all night. “Are you ok? You barely said a word on the way back here.”

Jace felt Alec’s intense gaze on him. “I’m not being weird”, he stated.

“You are. Must be your shoulder. You should get that checked out.”

Alec stopped him, and that was when Jace understood what he meant. The demon had left a deep wound in his shoulder, and even if he had his clothes covered in blood, he wasn’t bleeding himself much. “I know…”

“You ok? Oh, my god,” said Clary, coming towards them. “Jace, what happened? And why didn’t any of you tell me about the mission? I just got the word from Izzy. I should have gone with you!” She got closer to the wound, and inspected is carefully. “It’s too much blood. You might need stitches…”

“You’re exagerating. Most of this isn’t even mine. With a healing rune and some bandages, I’ll be fine,” assured her Jace, and then his eyes landed on someone who’d just stopped in his tracks beyond her. 

Simon was looking back at him, at his face and then at his wound, and then at the blood that was all over him. He licked hi slips and then looked away, like he was frustrated and embarrased at the same time.

“Simon, help me out here, we gotta take Jace to see a doctor,” said Clary when she noticed him.

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” apologized Simon, and continued his path towards wherever he was going, although he seemed to walk a lot faster than before.

Clary stared as Simon walked away, but to Jace, the reason to want to escape was more than obvious. Somehow, that made him feel lonely and unappreciated for a second, but he shook those feelings off and told himself he didn’t have any, at least for Simon.

It turned out he didn’t need stitches, but he did need to have the wounds covered up, just like he’d gladly announced before although he wasn’t completely sure. He found himself sitting on a bed, with Clary putting bandages on him.

“What?” he asked Clary, who kept working on him with a worried look on her face. He felt different. He didn’t tremble as much as before when she was near him, and didn’t have the urge to touch her. It must have been the lost blood, but he wanted to protect her. 

“Simon’s been acting very strange the last few days,” she muttered then.

“Maybe he’s having trouble getting used to the sun,” said Jace, remembering that now Simon could step into the daylight without any problem now. 

“No. Something’s going on. Whenever I mention your name, he gets nervous and wants to change the subject. Did you say something that upset him? Because I’m not in the mood to see him suffer because of one of your silly fights.”

“I didn’t do anything,” said Jace, although that was not exactly true. “Nothing to hurt him, at least.” Yeah, sure. Let’s pretend that he didn’t remember the image of Simon curled up in the bed after they had… whatever. 

“Then what could it be?”

“You’d have to ask him. I have no idea.”

Clary looked at him like she didn’t believe him, but finally seemed to let go of that idea. She finished arranging the bandages and then helped him add an iratze on his skin with her Stele. During all that time, Jace stood silent. 

“Thanks,” he said afterwards, getting up from the bed he was laying on. “And Clary,” he turned to her, “I’m sorry about Simon. I hope you guys can figure it out.” 

He meant it. From the heart. And still, it felt like he was the biggest lier on Earth. Clary just nodded and he walked away.

Jace went to his room with a deep desire to be alone. Once he shut the door closed behind him, he went towards his window, looked down thinking, once again, what it would feel like to just let himself fall without anyone knowing. 

Alec’s voice sounded inside his head. _You gotta stop blaiming yourself! You’re not focused, and we can’t have mistakes right now. Jace, tell me that you understand._

Knowing that jumping would be the stupidest thing to do if he pretended to fix the catastrophe he’d caused, he run his fingers through his hair and then sat on his bed, thinking. Now it was Clary’s voice the one hunting him. _Something’s going on. Whenever I mention your name, he gets nervous and wants to change the subject._

He rubbed his face, got up and went straight to Simon’s bedroom. He entered without knocking, just to find Simon trying to do something similar to practicing for a fight, like a Shadowhunter would do. The vampire was wearing old sweatpants, a t-shirt and punching a bag with very slow, moderate moves. It was ridiculous.

“What the hell are you doing?” asked Jace, and he only got an irritated look from Simon.

“It’s for concentration. I have some sort of enhanced vampire strength now. I just have to learn how to control it and make it useful. But thanks for the remark that I’m an idiot for doing this,” said Simon, angry, and he punched the bag harder this time, breaking it in two.

Jace took a step back, contemplating the vampire and the bag like it was a scene coming out of a movie. That was Simon. Simon was the one that had just broken that thing. It was just insane. And yet, it made him feel like the man in front of him had been his. Only his, for his exploration and pleasure. 

Simon took a deep breath and looked at him like he was waiting an explanation. Jace blinked.

Jace shook his head and wanted to clarify something first. “I didn’t say you were an idiot. I just meant… you never do this. You don’t… punch stuff.”

“So?”

“So… it’s weird,” said Jace, as if it was obvious. 

“Oh, I think we’ve seen and done weirder things than that,” answered Simon. 

Jace suddenly remembered the image and sounds of Simon when he was drinking him, so fierce and demanding. He actually liked that, no matter the scenario of life when it happened. He just respected people more when they were confident. “Thank you for the sarcasm,” Jace answered, strangely enjoying the exchange with Simon. It wasn’t often that he got to see this side of him, and it was a nice change.

“Sarcasm is what you get when you enter without knocking and completely ignoring the fact that I don’t wanna talk to you. I thought I was clear when I refused to help Clary heal you.”

Yeah, message heard, loud and clear. Jace tried not to get upset. He was there for a more important purpose than getting into a discusión that wouldn’t lead anywhere. “I know, but we need to talk.”

Simon pointed towards somewhere behind Jace. He seemed less angry, and more ironic. “Well, make sure that door stays open. Not that it’s any consolation, but it could make us restrain ourselves a little bit, if we’re lucky. And don’t even think about showing me your wrist.”

Not finding the comment a little bit funny, Jace turned around and closed the door anyway. When he turned back, Simon was taking half of the punching bag from the floor effortless, and placing it on the bed.

Really, Jace didn’t remember Simon using that much force on him. With him it was all intense, and hard and consuming, but so far never violent.

“Jace, what did I just say?” asked Simon, rolling his eyes at signaling the closed door.

Jace had to clear his mind. He took a step forward, trying to make a point. “They can’t hear us, and this is serious. We can’t do this to Clary.”

Simon grabbed the sides of his head, panicking. “Don’t you think I know that? I’ve been having trouble sleeping, not just because I don’t know what time I should do it, but because I can’t stop thinking about her… The first time you and I were together it was something that just happened and we couldn’t control it, right?”

“Yes,” confirmed Jace.

“But the second time…” Simon seemed to have lost all energy all of a sudden. “The second time was different.” 

His voice sounded hurt and depressed. Jace knew he was right. “I know,” he muttered, folding his arms. The second time Jace had brought it on himself. He’d wanted to feel and he knew that if he showed Simon the blood, he’d get… a release from all his worries. 

But that time something else had happened. He was far more ‘awake’ than before, far more conscious of what was happening. He wanted Simon to drink his blood until he didn’t have any. He even wanted Simon’s cock in his mouth and had felt absolutely spent and wrong and amazingly dirty when they’d finished. And then guilty when he had to leave and Simon was left alone in his room.

It was incredible to think that a few hours earlier, they’d been sucking each other off on the very same bed Simon had put the half punching bad on. The sheets might have been brand new by now, but somehow they were full of magazines and clothes again.

Simon’s voice brought him back to reality. “And it’s not right. It’s not right for Clary. I’m cheating on her… with you.”

Jace found that the sweetness and softness of his voice made him want to confort him somehow. Since he had no idea how to do that, all he managed to say was, “I wouldn’t call it cheating.” Yeah, lame thing to say.

“The name doesn’t matter,” assured Simon, getting closer. “What matters is that I should be having sex with her, not you.”

“You’re not ‘having sex’ with me,” clarified Jace, as if he could erased what had already happened, “We’re not having sex.” He found himself thinking that he’d say and do whatever he could so that Simon wouldn’t feel so bad. 

“Whatever.”

“Look, I get what you’re saying and I feel guilty as hell, too. But Clary’s suspicious that you’re acting weird about me. You have to stop it if you want to fix it with her,” said Jace, remembering his conversation with Clary.

“But that wouldn’t really solve anything.” Simon took a deep breath, looking at Jace intensely. “I hate it. I hate not being able to be around you and not think about… anyway.” He moved around the room like he always did when he was nervous, and went to check his cell phone. “We have to make it stop, but I don’t know how. I’ve been trying to reach Raphael to ask him if this is a vampire thing after drinking your blood when Valentine had me kidnapped, but he’s not answering.”

Yet there was another option. How had Jace not thought about it before?

“Izzy,” said Jace, and Simon frowned like he wanted to say something, but Jace continued, “I know it’s not the same thing but I’ve seen her much better these days. Maybe she’s been able to quit the addition to vampire venum…”

///

Simon tugged at his fingers one by one as he waited in his room. Looking around, his bed full of magazines and t-shirts with names of rock bands, made him remember the image of a dishevelled Jace, blond hair all messy, eyes barely open, cheek against his thigh and a little bit of cum on his bottom lip.

Instinctively, he palmed himself once through his pants and had to make a big effort to avoid going for Jace and biting his neck. Where the hell was Jace anyway?

Simon was wondering what he could say to Clary to make her stop feeling suspicious when Jace entered the room followed by Izzy. Then he closed the door and stood there, hands on his hips.

“Thanks for coming. This will just take a minute,” assured Simon, sitting on the bed. Izzy was frowning, looking around the room, at the horrible state of the bed and the broken punching bag. For a second, Simon thought that it was as messy as her own room, full of clothes and make up everywhere. 

Jace opened his mouth. “Ok, so we have something we…”

“Wait,” said Izzy, taking a step forward. “You, in Simon’s room. Alone with him.”

“Yeah.”

“And you don’t find this remotely strange.”

Jace clasped his hands on his back and shrugged. “I don’t get your point.”

“You guys aren’t even friends…” She rolled her eyes. “Fine. What did you want to talk about?”

Simon looked at Jace, who looked back at him and then at Izzy.

“Vampire addiction,” explained Jace.

That seemed to get the expected reaction from Izzy. She run one hand through her hair, her gaze got darker and finally she folded her arms, defensive. “It’s been two weeks. I stopped.”

Jace muttered, “Must have been hard.”

“You have no idea. But it can be done… if you’re strong enough.”

“What would it take?”

Izzy’s eyes landed on Jace. “Why do you wanna know all this?”

Jace was about to answer when Simon interrupted him. “There’s someone who’s been asking me to… you know, drink… her… or him... I’d rather keep the details for myself for now, thanks,” he lied, and Jace didn’t seem so upset by the fact that he made him look like he was the one begging. 

Although he really had been.

“Someone,” Izzy repeated, and Simon nodded. “And you like this person?”

“What do you mean, like?” he asked, confused.

“Yeah. Are you attracted to this someone?”

“What?” Simon snorted, “Why would I be?”

Izzy took a few steps towards him, getting closer. “Raphael told me that’s what usually happens. That the blood doesn’t really create a bond, it just makes the already existing one explode and become uncontrolable.”

There was silence in the room. Simon’s mind was blank. “I…”

“And it goes both ways. For you and the person who keeps coming back. Sharing blood is like having sex… although you could do both, I guess. Not that I know, because Raphael doesn’t seem to want any of that…”

She looked disappointed. That was the only thing Simon got. The rest of his thoughts were buried in what had happened and what it could mean if Izzy was actually right. If Raphael had told her that, it had to be true… Simon looked at Jace when Izzy was distracted, and found him pale. When their eyes met, he saw him gulp. 

“So how did you make it go away?” Jace finally asked, with evident effort.

“I got away from the source of my problem,” responded Izzy, turning to him. “I stopped seeing him, stopped accepting his calls. I stopped everything that had anything to do with him.” She moved towards Simon again. “The key is to not think about the other person, until the memories of the sensations you have with them dissappear. If you stay away from this someone who is asking you to drink their blood, it will work. I assure you of it.”

“And that’s it,” Simon said, just to reconfirm.

“Yes.”

Simon swallowed. “All right. Thank you… Thank you for your advice.”

“You’re very welcome,” she muttered. “I know that it feels right, but it’s wrong. And if whatever you have with this person survives after you stop, then it will mean something else.”

She left leaving the sound of her heels behind her. Jace closed the door. Simon got the courage to look at him in the eye and immediately panicked again. “Ok… So now we know,” he said, his voice a little bit higher.

“Yes,” said Jace, hands on hips again like he was taking in the information and it sucked so much.

“We just have to stay away from each other.”

“Right.”

“If we don’t see each other, talk or even remotely know what we’re going through, we should be fine.”

“Of course.”

Simon felt like something was wrong. Like if Jace’s cockiness, his constant teasing and his strong tone was something he would miss. “It might sound strange, but I don’t like it,” he whispered. “Staying away, I mean. If I do that, I won’t be able to help you, or Clary…”

Jace interrumpted him, turning around for a moment. “I deserve it. You’re the one who doesn’t. After what I did with the Soul Sword…”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean that if someone has to live with the burden to drive someone to the edge, to any limit they never wanted to cross, it should be me.”

Simon left the bed and got closer to Jace. “No, Jace. I wanted it, too. More than anything.” He couldn’t see his face, but all that mattered was to make that point across. If there was something Simon could not stand was that Jace always placed all the blame on himself and got into a spiral of guit that seemed to be endless.

Jace turned to him, somehow between offended and doubtful. “Really? You wanted to kiss me.”

Simon frowned. “If I remember correctly, I didn’t kiss you, we… never... did that. But everything else… Yes. I don’t know what I was thinking, but in that moment, I really did want it.” They stared at each other, silence standing between them, and Simon felt like he had to say something, because the door was closed, and even if he couldn’t see any blood, he could smell it running through Jace’s body. “But it’s crazy, right?” he joked, “Like, do you ever feel like you wanna kiss _me_?”

Jace’s mouth curved down on the side, and he started with a “Wha-?” His glance immediately danced over Simon’s lips, but he looked up again. “No.” Somehow, his voiced made him sound as if he wasn’t entirely sure.

Simon swallowed, nervous. “Same,” he said, trembling. “Me neither. I’ve never. Like ever.” He cleared his throat, but didn’t move from where he was, close to Jace. “I think I’m gonna go away for some time but I think before I do that, I should say thank you. For your blood, I mean. Without it I would have never been able to walk into the sun.”

A frowning Jace with his gaze fixed on Simon’s lips answered, “My pleasure.”

“Literally,” Simon said, and he laughed.

Jace laughed too but darkly, and then he grabbed Simon from the collar of his t-shirt, and planted a chaste kiss on his mouth. 

Simon froze for a second, then whispered, “You said you’d never…”

“I know what I said,” said Jace, looking right into his eyes, and then left the room closing the door behind him…

The rest of the day was just strange. By the end of the day, Simon asked Clary to meet him at the entrance of the Institute, near the stairs, at sunset. When she appeared there at the arranged hour, she said, “Hey. We could have talked inside, you know. In my room,” she teased, smiling softly. One curl of her beautiful hair rested over her cheek. She was so nice that it was difficult to lie to her much longer. 

Simon also smiled, knowing what was coming, and then rubbed the back of his head. “I thought it’d be better to do it here.” He was trying to sound calm, but he was pretty sure that all he could manage to express was sadness.

“Ok… Should I be worried?” asked Clary, and when Simon didn’t answer and put his hands on his pockets, she frowned. “Simon.”

He shook his head, looking at the floor. He tapped one foot, then the other. Then took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. “Clary… I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?” 

Simon opened his eyes and looked at her. He owed her at least the truth, but his heart broke when he spoke the words. “You and me… Us, being together.”

Her expresión went from fearful to confused, and then to absolute dispair. “What…? Why? Is it something I did? Something I said?”

“No. Trust me, it’s not that. You’ve been nothing but wonderful…”

“Then give me a reason! Is it really something we can’t fix, whatever it is?” She seemed angry now, which was totally understandable.

“It’s not about fixing things, really,” he admitted, both to Clary and himself. “It’s just not fair… for you. You deserve someone much better than me.” She turned towards the street and started walking down the stairs of the entrance. He could hear Clary calling his name and asking what the hell was going on.

“Simon, what are you talking about? Talk to me! You can’t leave without an explanation!”

“I’m really sorry,” said Simon with a trembling voice, not sure if she could hear him, and then left the Institute with vampire speed, wanting to get away from Clary out of sadness and guilt, and from Jace out of forbidden temptation.

///

TBC


	4. Blood revelations, part 4

He could do this. Yes, he totally could.

Simon walked up the stairs that led to the Institute’s entrance, holding a book with notes and balancing his back pack, full of new rock band’s magazines and mix tapes full of apology songs. Maybe it was old fashioned to not use a pendrive, but he felt more indie that way. Besides, it could be the only way to say sorry to Clary after breaking up with her for no clear reasons. 

Not that he could tell her, “Hey, Clary, I’ve had sexual encounters -God, that sounded horrible but at least it was more technical than ‘having sex’- with Jace, and yes, it happened out of the blue, or something like that, because it was after I drank his blood thinking he was you. It was like a magnet was bringing us together in ways that were not normal at all, and I was vulnerable and gave in, and so did he. Did it feel good? Yes, it was good… really good -maybe he’d leave that part out-, and it took all of me to stay away from him and checking with Izzy every time before I came to the Institute just to not run into him. Avoiding him became my specialty, but that doesn’t fix anything. Lying to you and cheating on you is completely my fault and that’s why partly I decided to leave in the first place. I know that you hate me and that you probably don’t want to see me again. I’m sorry that I couldn’t fill you in with the details and that I haven’t said anything in weeks, but it was too scary and bizarre for me, and I didn’t know how you’d take it… It’s different now. I’m clean from the obsession with Jace. Absolutely, completely cured from whatever spell the blood put on me. I don’t expect you to take me back. I just wanted you to know that it wasn’t your fault and that I will apologize forever until you understand that you didn’t anything wrong. You’re wonderful… And yes, I’ll stop talking now.”

Simon took a deep breath in front of the entrance. Sometimes his brain worked faster than his tongue and if people could read his mind, they’d probably end up more confused and exhausted than when they heard him talk.

Besides talking to Clary today, his main goal was the same as always – avoiding Jace. At least he had that covered. He’d already talked to Izzy that day and knew that Jace would be outside with Luke and Magnus all day. There was an ongoing investigation about the connection between Valentine and whoever had taken the Soul-Sword.

There was nothing to worry about. In any case, it’d been a freaking month since Simon and Jace had seen each other the last time, when they’d heard the solution to their addition from Izzy’s lips.

Simon didn’t feel anything, that was for sure.

At least until he ran into Jace right after passing through the Institute’s main doors.

“Hey,” he said automatically, without thinking, and stopping in his tracks. What the hell? Izzy had said…

“Hey,” answered Jace like a mirror, standing before him. His eyes were electric. The hair was carefully messed up. His clothes, tight in all the right places and ready for a fight. 

Simon swallowed and wondered if all his efforts had been in vain. They had the same posture, arms folded tight against their chests and a deep frown in their faces. 

Jace seemed to look up and down at him and notice it, and immediately rested his arms on his hips, as if breaking posture on purpose. “So,” he said, and Simon could not judge him for his heasitation.

“So, how have you been?” asked Simon as if it was the natural thing to say.

“Me? Normal. Killing demons and all. You know, the usual.”

They stood silent again, and Jace cleared his throat. Tension was rising and Simon felt like he was about to be sucked into the floor below him, which actually seemed like a great idea. 

Yep. Time to run and hide. “Right. Ok, I’m gonna go say hi to the others.”

“Sure.”

Quickly and without looking at each other again, they followed their path. Wasn’t he cured? How come their time apart only seemed to increase the desire all of a sudden? They’d done exactly what Izzy had told him and if it had worked with her, why wouldn’t it work with them?

As Simon passed Jace by, he felt like he could finally breathe and think with a different perspective. When Jace was there, everything was about him. There was no room to imagine anything other than jumping at his throat, touching him faster and faster, and let him put his hands wherever the hell he wanted.

Simon was so weak it was both painful and embarrassing. This was Jace, the same guy Clary had fell for first, the one Simon couldn’t stand. It was not admisible that he was attracted to him, sleeping with him, much less falling for him…

_Falling?_ No, it was not possible, even if Izzy had said that their bond had to exist before the blood…

“Falling?” said someone then, and Simon stopped. Oh, God. Had he been talking to himself as he walked through the corridors?

“What?” he asked, terrified, and turned around to find Izzy.

“You said you were falling or something,” she clarified, looking at his leg like she was trying to find a bruise.

Simon took a deep breath. “Oh, no. I meant I fell. Before, obviously. Before I entered the Institute. You know I’m a little bit clumsy sometimes,” he explained, nervously. “But I’m ok now.”

“Ok, if you say so,” said Izzy. “I saw you talking to Jace.”

“Yeah. You said he wouldn’t be here.” Simon didn’t want to sound angry, but he was.

Izzy rolled her eyes. “I lied, so what? You were acting really strange again, same as before you left. Clary wasn’t the only one who noticed. It was obvious when you asked to me to go to your room and Jace was there with you helping you solve the problem with that person who was asking for your blood. Oh, and speaking of Clary, are you and Jace fighting again for her? Oh, no, because if I remember correctly, you _dumped_ her.”

“I didn’t dump her.” Simon felt hopeless thinking about how things had ended with Clary. “But I did break up with her.”

“And you didn’t tell her why.”

“I couldn’t. I can’t,” Simon muttered. “And I can’t tell you… but I’m here to fix exactly that, if that’s still possible.”

Izzy frowned, as if she was worried about him. She put her hands in her hips. Her body was beautiful and she was amazing but he just didn’t feel the same way he felt when he was with… 

“Then tell me what’s going on between you and Jace that made you avoid him and get so nervous whenever I mention his name,” asked Izzy, and she waited, but Simon could not unveil the truth.

“Nothing. Nothing at all. What would it be, right? And if there was something, it’d be crazy if you ask me,” he muttered. “You should look for him. I gotta check on Clary. I don’t want her to think I left because of something she said, or did. It’s not true.” It was horrible. Horrible but understandable that she felt that way. 

“Simon, I don’t think it’s a good idea… I’ve been trying to help her get over that the entire month. I’m sure she’ll come around eventually but right now she needs some more time, ok?” Izzy said, and she got a bit closer to Simon. “Tell me leaving was at least worth it. Did getting away worked? I mean, considering that special someone that was asking you to use your fangs.” 

Simon shrugged and looked away. “Kind of. And I wouldn’t say ‘special’”.

Jace was nothing more than some sort of unexpected friendship that had turned into something weird because of the blood. The sex did not matter and they had done what was right. They had been apart for more than thirty days, and the anticipation about what could happen later was affecting Simon. Of course, he thought -he was just getting nervous about seeing Jace because he still couldn’t believe what they’d done, even if he didn’t want to do it again. 

Again, no. There was no way Jace could be special to him.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Izzy assured him and it was scary as hell to think that maybe she could read his mind when he doubted. “Ok… let me know if you need any help, or if you need to talk,” she said, turning around. “By the way, your room’s still available if you want it.”

“Thanks… but I think I’ll keep staying at Raphael’s,” answered Simon as she walked away with that worried look on her face again. He smiled awkwardly, hoping she wouldn’t come back even if he might look a bit suspicious. When she didn’t, he felt relief. He really didn’t want to dig more into the darkness of his heart.

Simon looked at the corridor that led to the rooms and decided to walk towards the other direction. He couldn’t spend too much time at the Institute, much less within that dangerous area. He better stay away from Jace and closed room doors, just in case.

///

“Alec!” Jace knocked on the door. “Alec, you there?” When there was no answer, Jace knocked harder. “Open the door, please!” One, two, three times. “ALEC!”

The bedroom door opened all of a sudden. Alec looked pissed off. “Jace, what the hell? I was taking a bath.” He was wearing an old black t-shirt, baggy jeans and was barefoot. His hair really needed a comb and was dripping water over his clothes, even if he had a towel around his neck.

“I need to talk to you.” Jace entered the room without asking for permission.

“Are you ok?”

“Close the door.”

Dammit. Jace’s hands were shaking, and his mind couldn’t stop thinking, and in between the images of Simon all over his body, some of his own messed up actions appeared. He remembered what he’d told Simon before, and still believed it, firmly that if anyone deserved the burden of going beyond the limits and hurting people, it was him. Jace was the reason why the Soul Sword was lost, Downworlders had died, Magnus had been in danger and Simon had been dragged into having sex with someone he hated.

The sound of the door closing brought him back to realily. Alec turned to Jace. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Really? You knock on my door like crazy, and now you tell me it’s all for nothing,” said Alec. “C’mon, Jace. I’m your parabatai. I know you’ve been struggling for some time but every time I asked, you refused to tell me. The only thing I noticed is that when Simon left, you were acting exactly like this.” 

“I know, I know, damn it!” Jace grabbed the sides of his head. His insides hurt so much and he couldn’t stop the images of Simon from running in his mind. “And now he’s back.”

“He’s been here several times a week but it seems you didn’t catch him. What is it? Are you guys fighting over Clary because you want your second chance and Simon’s not with her anymore?”

“We’re not fighting. Not really. And the fact that they broke up… well, that’s exactly the problem.”

“Problem? I thought you’d be happy. You still like her, right?” Alec asked, getting closer. “Or… not?”

Jace let himself fall onto Alec’s bed. He was tired of denying it all. Deep down inside, he knew what was happening, and it was terrifying. “Clary has nothing to do with it,” he confessed. “After I activated the Soul Sword, Simon came to see me at my room. He tried to make me feel better.”

“Ok, yeah. I remember you guys told me that in a very weird way. Are you getting closer? Is he some sort of friend of yours now?”

“No. Not a friend. Something in between that and… whatever.”

Alec folded his arms and stood very stoic before him. “Jace, you’re not making any sense. I’m trying to help you out.”

Jace shook his head. “You can’t.”

“And if that’s the case, I’ll bring you to someone who can. Magnus has very good contacts, if he can’t help out himself,” said Alec, sitting down beside Jace and putting a hand on his shoulder. “You know you can tell me anything. We’re brothers.”

Jace looked up and met Alec’s eyes. There was pure honesty there, and that enduring, annoyed worry that Alec always seemed to carry with him.

Time to come clean, or explode.

“How did you know?” asked Jace all of a sudden. “That Magnus… When did you realize you and him were gonna be… how you felt about him.”

Alec frowned. He seemed surprised by the question. “I… You really wanna listen to the story? _Now_?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Jace, shifting his position on the bed to face Alec. “It’d help.”

His parabatai still looked confused by the request, but started to tell the story anyway. “I kind of new from the first moment I met him, that he was going to be important and that he was going to get me in trouble. Don’t ask me why, I was sure of it. And all of a sudden I started having all these feelings I’d never had before, not even when I thought I was infatuated by…” Alec looked at Jace, paused and swallowed, as if he was leaving an idea behind. “Anyway, it was different from anything I’d felt before, and it just kept growing every time I saw him. I tried to fight it, but… now I know from experience that it doesn’t work. You either embrace it or it will make you miserable for the rest of your life.”

There was silence. Jace didn’t know how to respond. How could he explain what he’d thought about, what he’d felt– during that month? How could he ever admit that all the times he’d touched himself – in the shower, in the bed, in the bathroom – he’d thought only about one person? Even worse – how could he ever confess outloud that sometimes he thought of that same person without doing anything dirty? That he worried about that someone, that he wondered where he was and what he was doing and why he never seemed to visit the Institute?

“So,” said Alec. “I gave you an answer, now I want one myself. What does this all have to do with what’s bothering you?”

Jace took a deep breath. “Everything. Simon… I can’t be near him, but if I’m not, I feel like I’m dying. I don’t understand it.”

“So you’re not in love with Clary anymore, and it’s a problem that she broke up with Simon, and you stay away from him no matter how much you…” Alec’s mouth and eyes started to open in realization. “Wait. Jace… You… Hold on a second…”

“Don’t say it.” Jace got off the bed and started pacing, covering his face with his hands and then running his fingers through his hair like he wanted to pull it all out.

The obvious conclusion came out of Alec’s mouth much faster than he expected. “You _like_ Simon… but you’ve never seemed to want…”

“I know.” Jace knew it perfectly. Before Simon, he’d never experienced any kind of desire towards a man.

“Jace… I wish I knew what to say, but this is… unexpected. I thought you weren’t…”

“I’m not,” said Jace, turning around to face Alec. “I can’t be… but everything points towards the same direction, whether I want it or not.”

Alec had a questioning look on his face. “But he’s straight… isn’t he?”

“I have no idea what he is, but he’s not that. Not all the time.”

“How can you be sure? Jace, did you guys talk about it?”

“Oh, we _talked_ ,” explained Jace, his voice full of sarcasm. “We were even beyond that.”

Alec’s eyes were bigger than before. “You two kissed?”

“Far beyond.”

“What do you mean, far…?” asked Alec, and it seemed that the right idea hit him again. He stood up and very seriously said, “Jace! Are you kidding me? Please tell me that you’re joking. How…? How did you guys even…? How did you go from hating each other to _sleeping_ with each other?”

“We’re not sleeping together,” clarified Jace. “It just happened once… or twice.”

“ _Twice?!_ ” 

“Ok, it could be three times, but the third time we just kissed… I kissed him. But that was it and I don’t intend to continue. Dammit, I don’t even pay attention to it anymore.”

“Yeah! And you’re definitely not counting, right?!” 

Alec looked both shocked and deeply disturbed by the revelations. Jace couldn’t blame him. All Jace had done over the years was seducing girls and fool around with them, although he’d never had anything serious with anyone. Alec rubbed his forehead. “Ok, ok. You just gotta take some time to process all of this and figure out what to do.”

Jace leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, thinking about what would happen next and why he couldn’t ‘go with the flow’ as Alec advised. “He left because that was the solution for Izzy when she had to quit Raphael, but I thought it was working at least fairly well, but then I saw Simon today, and… I didn’t. It definitely didn’t. I can’t be near him. I know I won’t be able to control myself, because of the blood or whatever it is that I’m feeling. By the Angel, I hate this…” He opened his eyes and felt dizzy, like he was about to faint. He had to be strong. “I have to go somewhere else, as soon as possible.”

“Don’t worry,” said Alec. “I can set you up at Magnus’ apartment like that last time if you want me to, and you can work it out from there,” he offered, and Jace nodded. “Just… make sure that you’re getting away from here because of the right reasons… and not because you’re scared of what all this might become.”

Jace looked at his friend in the eye. “I’m not. I’m never actually scared anyway.” It was incredible how he managed to lie sometimes without even blinking.

“Right.” With a glare, Alec went to get his phone. “I’ll call Magnus.”

While Alec made the call, Jace went to his own bedroom to grab a bag and some clothes. As he was getting all the stuff he needed for the next few days, even if the warlock could summon anything he wanted, he felt like he was definitely running away.

But Jace Wayland did not feel scared. Not at this level… and yet, he knew he did.

Maybe there really was a first time for everything, as people said.

///

To be continued…


	5. Blood revelations, part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace confesses to Magnus and in return, Magnus teaches him a lesson.

“Well, it seems that you’ve made yourself comfortable… Perhaps a little too much.” Magnus entered the main room of his apartment after putting on his clothes for a fun time with Madzie and Alec. Tonight, he was dressed mostly in black, with the exception of a purple handkerchief in his jacket’s pocket and silver glitter around his eyes, right beside the heavy eyeliner.

He was happy to feel so elegant and good about himself, until he felt like he had the filthiest place to live in the world when he found Jace eating a burger on the couch in front of the TV.

Magnus got closer to him, trying to understand the scenario he was in. He frowned when he saw several wrinkled napkins and a few red paper balls, exactly the kind that was usually used to wrap fast food. He counted up to three, but something told him there were more. 

“I’m sorry for asking, but how many of those have you had?” he said, getting worried, because there was also popcorn everywhere.

“Four,” answered Jace, and shrugged with angry eyes. “So what? I’m hungry.”

Magnus took a deep breath. “I see… You know, I feel like I should clarify that even though you might compare my place to the DuMort -except that I have much better taste when it comes to decorations-, this is not a Shadowhunter hotel. There’s certainly no maid to pick up all this mess, so you better get rid of it when you’re done.”

He was ready for a cocky comeback like “Just fleek your fingers, will you?” but nothing happened. Instead, Jace kept eating his burger painfully, like he was swallowing to fill the empty space of something that hurt a lot more. Magnus turned around, going to get his cell phone while he thought about it, and was surprised to hear Jace’s voice again.

“Looking sharp.”

Magnus did not really understand where such a conversation would lead him. Still, he went with the flow. “Thank you. I gotta go visit Madzie, take her to the park and have some fun. Alec’s gonna join me a few blocks from here.” He moved some books from the library, thinking he’d seen his cell phone there the last time. That was when he got a glimpse of a beer bottle sitting on a shelf. He grabbed it and got really, really worried. It definitely hadn’t been him the one who’d put it there. 

“How is she? Madzie, I mean,” he heard Jace say again.

“Good. And happy,” Magnus muttered, leaving the bottle where it was, beside a row of perfectly arranged books. “But it’s always nice to see a familiar face, and she knows she can trust me,” he added, turning to Jace. “As can you.”

Even though Magnus was putting his best understanding face, he got no confessions. Jace just continued eating on the couch, like he was ignoring Magnus on purpose. Magnus went back to the mission of finding his phone, and he finally remembered he’d left it on his desk, right before the mirror.

Satisfied with the outcome of his hunt, he decided to tell Jace goodbye. He was about to open his mouth when he noticed that Jace had stopped eating and was staring at the TV screen. There was a wonderful sunshine being shown live on the news. People were being interviewered about how beautiful it was to see the light after the cold winter that had just finished.

“Maybe you should go out, take some air…” Magnus offered, but Jace interrupted him.

“I’d rather stay in.”

It was weird. The more Jace looked at the sunshine, the more depressed he looked. Magnus just managed to say, “If that’s what you want… In any case, I’ve also seen the popcorn, so be careful with those sticky fingers. Just don’t… touch anything. Not more than you already have.”

“I won’t.”

Even after that, Magnus did not move from where he was. “If you’ve had that many burgers, your stomach must hurt. Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe make you a potion to sleep better?”

“Yeah. A magic tea would be nice,” Jace answered, still looking at the TV screen and not at the warlock that was offering confort food.

“A magic… Ugh, nephilim,” muttered Magnus, turning around and trying to be understanding. “All right. I guess I can make one before I go. I’ll be right back.”

Magnus found himself in the kitchen trying to decide what was the best option to make Jace feel better after all those burgers. However, all of a sudden, he pressed the buttons of his cell phone to make a call. 

“Hello, Alexander?” he said, leaning on the kitchen counter. 

“Hey. I was about to call you. Is Jace still there? I walked with him until the main door but he asked me to go,” explained Alec, clearly worried. “He was very insisting in doing this alone, asking for a room at your apartment. He’s not ok.”

“I realized as soon as he came in. I know you warned me, but _this_ … he’s seriously disturbed. He’s been eating junk food all around the house! Burgers, popcorn, beer, you name it.”

“Makes sense. He just has to… adjust.”

Magnus frowned. Evidently, Alec knew a lot more than he did. “May I know the reason of this state of his?” It took Alec a second to answer, as if he was deciding whether to tell him or not. “C’mon, Alec. I’ve guarded all kinds of secrets during the last centuries, I think I can handle it.”

He heard Alec take a deep breath. “He’s feeling something for someone he shoudln’t.”

That… what? “But Clary’s alone now. Isn’t it her?”

“Nope.”

Magnus was blank. “I don’t see who else it could be… maybe Isabelle?”

“What? _No_ ,” reacted Alec, irritated. “Why would you say that? You know the three of us are like brothers and sisters.”

“Well, there was a time when you would disagree with that, my love,” commented Magnus, because he remembered very well all the moments he’d seen Alec contemplate Jace with adoration knowing that relationship would never be the one he wanted.

It seemed that Alec had understood his point. “Fine, I get it. In any case… it’s not Izzy. The thing is, he’s… having something with someone that he needs to figure out. As his parabatai, I could sense it for the last month.”

“Of course you could,” said Magnus, remembering the awkward moment when Jace knew he and Alec had had their first time together. The horror of Jace watching them or ‘feeling’ things was just too weird to spend too much time thinking about it. “You still haven’t told me who it is that got him like this.”

“I think it’s none of our business. He’ll tell people… when he’s ready. If he ever is.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know he’s been acting strange since the Soul Sword disappeared. First he wanted to spend all of his time in his room, suffering. Then he started becoming aggressive. At one point he wanted to abandon it all and not participate in any fight.”

Jace, running away from the battlefield? Where was his Shadowhunter heart? “That’s crazy.”

“I told him the same thing!” said Alec, bothered. “And then Simon went away, and Clary was finally alone, and Jace did nothing at all about it. What I mean is that he continued acting the same, like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. I got him to come with me in some of the last missions, but he was always distracted and depressed.” Alec made a pause. “I just… I’m worried about him. We need him if we want to find the Soul Sword and defeat whoever is behind the latest killings around the city after we got Valentine.”

Magnus felt like he could see Alec seated on the bed, frowning and looking like he wanted to punch something out of desperation. “We’ll help him out. _Together_ ,” he assured him.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you being there, always… I love you.”

It always felt so great to heart it. The only thing that was better was to say it himself. “I love you too,” whispered Magnus, smiling. “See you in a while.” He could almost feel Alec smiling back when he hung up.

Coming back into the living room, Magnus got a glimpse of sticky fingers grabbing a handful of popcorn, and couldn’t take it anymore. He graceously but firmly walked over to Jace and stood there. “Ok, I’m sorry. I have to say it. This is not the Jace I know,” he muttered. “The one I’ve seen many, many times doesn’t spend his days drowning his sorrows in greasy food, alcohol and sweets. What’s happening, really?”

He crossed his arms over his chest, starting to think he’d have to leave in ten minutes if he wanted to portal Alec and himself both on time to where Madzie was. As he thought about that and looked around, he made a face - there weren’t that many places left in his apartament where there weren’t little pieces of burgers, red wrapping paper, or pop corn. Were they multiplying or was he getting a bit obsessed? He’d never been that much worried about the mess… probably because it was just his, and no one else’s.

“The realization,” he heard Jace whisper sadly, and that got his complete attention. “That’s what happening to me.”

“Realization of what?” Magnus repeated, wanting to know more.

Jace did not answer right away. He stayed there, on the couch, with a bowl full of popcorn in his lap, thinking, until he finally muttered, “That I might be like you.”

“Like me? If you’re talking about developing a serious good taste on fashion, I have some wonderful outfits that I could recommend you. For a price, of course. After all, you’re already spending your nights here for free, and all you do is ruin the spirit of my night out with your whining.”

“I’m not whining. I just have some stuff to figure out… with someone.”

Jace looked so sad that it broke Magnus’ heart. He walked over to him, brushed some popcorn off the corner of the couch and sat down, legs crossed. “Well, I’m all ears. I’m old. I’ve heard it all or done it myself, trust me.”

When Jace turned to him, his eyes were dark and watery. “I can’t… won’t say who it is, ok? What matters is that I can’t be with that person.”

“Why?” asked Magnus, concerned, because the pain he saw in Jace’s face was real.

“I just can’t.”

There were no more explanations from Jace about that. It seemed like the tragic story was a dead end. Magnus shifted his position on the couch, ready to lectur him. 

“Ok, let me get this straight. You’re seriously complaining to me about someone that you don’t want to mention because you don’t want to be too specific? But, somehow you are ok with torturing me with the sad story about how you can’t be together for reasons you also don’t want to explain? What I mean is, how am I supposed to help when I know nothing, huh?”

“I didn’t ask for your help. I asked for a spare room that you happen to have, and maybe a tea or a soup.”

Really? That was what Magnus got for his efforts. “Nice,” he said, getting up. “I let you stay here and all I get are harsh words. You better not be here when I’m back.” He started walking towards the door, but then he heard some movement behind, and Jace’s voice once again.

“Wait.”

Magnus stopped in his tracks, and turned around. Jace was now standing in the middle of the living room, looking broken and dishevelled. His eyes were red and it seemed that he was going to offer a sincere apology. “Magnus… I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m so… so… confused. And… angry. And… I hate to say to say it, desperate.” Jace run a hand through his hair and not bothering to arrange it again.

He was a such a mess. Magnus walked towards him. “Who on Earth could be causing all that pain?”

Jace rested his hands on his hips, bit his bottom lip and confessed, “Simon. He’s been drinking my blood.”

“What?” Ok, that was not what Magnus was expecting. 

“It was after the night we got Valentine. He kept drinking me… because I kind of asked him to.”

All right. So maybe Simon was a bit excited with the angelic blood, and Jace was depressed and wanted to stop feeling sorry for himself. Magnus started to understand how it had all started out. “Mmm… Addictions are bad. Look at Izzy and Raphael…”

“But that’s not all.”

“Ok.”

“The blood drinking led to other… activiti…” Jace shook his head, angry. “By the Angel, we’ve been sleeping together.”

What the hell? Magnus had to use all of his energy to avoid cursing. “Oh,” he said instead, while the words kept sinking in. “ _Oh!_ I see now.” So that’s why Jace was talking about becoming someone similar to Magnus… liking men, women… and why he stared at the sunshine images so much… thinking about the Daylighter perhaps?

“Yep. So now you know. Shit,” said Jace, messing up his hair again and then rubbing his face like crazy. 

Magnus watched him go back to the couch and lay there. He went to sit at one chair near by. “Well, while this is tremendously unexpected, I have to say that I understand your pain better now. Just don’t… overshare. I know I said that I have all the experience in the world, but I respect people’s privacy. You know how awkward it was when you told me you knew about me and Alec that night. Besides, I don’t really want to imagine you two. Sorry.”

“It’s just that…”

“You want him…”

“I care about him,” concluded Jace, and the answer surprised Magnus. “He’s been away for a month and every single time I was alone in my room, or in a mission because Alec dragged me there, all I could think about was him. I wondered what he was doing, if he was thinking of me, and if he kept drinking anybody’s blood. We tried being apart because that’s what cured Izzy, and I thought it would work, but now Simon’s back, and I still want to do… so many things… to him… together… It’s driving me crazy,” said Jace, and he covered his face with his hands. “How do I make it stop?” He let his hands fall and looked at Magnus with desperation. “Please, Magnus, tell me. I’ll take whatever spell, whatever potion you want to offer me. Just make it go away.”

There was a short moment of silence between them after which Magnus simply informed him, “You can’t.”

“What do you mean, I can’t?”

“Exactly what you heard. There’s no way to make desire and love disappear.”

Jace frowned, and shook his head. “That’s not possible. And what I feel is not love. Really. Attraction, of course. Desire, hell, yes. But love…”

Now it was Magnus’ turn to interrumpt him. “You care about what he’s feeling. You want to know where he is, what he’s doing, and you lose your breath every time he enters a room. That’s not just sex. Am I wrong?”

With a worried look on his face, Jace took a deep breath. “It’s too soon. It can’t be _love_.”

“It could be. If you let it.”

Slowly, Magnus got up from the chair, knowing it was time to meet Alec and leave Jace alone with his thoughts. Besides, the poor Shadowhunter already had enough with all the confessions and emotions of the day to continue listening to lessons about life and love. He was old enough to figure some things out himself… after the mandatory shakeup he’d just gone through, of course.

“Jace, I’m afraid I have to leave. Alec and Mazdie are waiting for me,” he announced. “And before you say that I didn’t make you your ‘magic tea’, let me clarify something in case you forgot. No, Jace. I ain’t your mama,” he said, swirling his hand slowly and taking a quick look at the TV screen, when Jennifer Lopez’ video clip was played.

That earned him the first amused smile from Jace he’d seen all day. “I guess not.”

Magnus nodded, and walked towards the door. Before leaving, he turned to Jace one last time. “Hey. I would usually lock this place up for everyone if I’m not here, but this time I’ve just put up spells to filter people who are not trusted. What I mean is that you can go outside if you want to… if you want to do the right thing,” he explained, and with that, he closed the door behind him.

Love stories needed the push of a little challenge sometimes.

//

To be continued…


	6. Blood revelations, part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an early morning talk with Raphael, Simon makes an important decision.

“Hello. Hi, there. How are you doing? Hey?” said Simon, and waived at Raphael, who was still in his bed. Tonight Simon really needed to talk to him. 

Finally Raphael opened one eye, then the second, and took a deep breath. “You do know that if I closed the room door it’s because I don’t want to be disturbed during my rest, right? And what are you doing here anyway?”

“Checking, since you’re already late to wake up… It’s five in the morning” Simon muttered shyly, and saw Raphael rolled his eyes. “Wanna have a quick breakfast, dinner, whatever it is?” he added, as if casual conversation could fix how equally needy and silly he sounded before.

“Right.” Raphael got up from the bed in his boxers and t-shirt and got into a robe. Then he turned on the lights. “Just so I get this straight – you were waiting for me to wake up because you want to go get food with me. _Blood_. I think I’ve never heard you say that.”

Simon panicked. “No. I mean, yes. I mean, no. Just… rats. I think. It’s not that I don’t share your taste for blood, of course, but after what happened…”

“Save it. I just woke up, I’m not in the mood to hear the rambles of your mind. Unless it’s about Jace and you’re ready to talk about it.” Raphael opened his cabinet and started to move around his suits.

“What? Jace?” Simon panicked, thinking about whether Raphael knew about him being a Daylighter or not, but he hadn’t told anyone and Clary and Jace could keep that secret, so it was impossible.

“Yes,” said Raphael, taking some undershirts from a drawer beside him and putting them on the bed. “You’ve been running away from here because you drank his blood and now there are feelings involved. I know everything. Magnus told me.”

“Why would Magnus know about…?” Simon frowned, thinking there was only one way, considering they’d been acting strange in front of everybody. “Oh, right. Alec or Izzy must have figured it out.”

“So it’s true, you admit it.” Raphael looked at Simon, but Simon did not answer. “Just so you know, it wasn’t the Lightwoods the ones who told Magnus. It was Jace himself. He’s living with him for a while.” He grabbed one t-shirt and discarded the rest. Then he went to check on his shirts. 

Simon followed him around the room. “Why would he stay with Magnus?” he asked, only to regret it later. “You know what? I don’t really care. It can’t have anything to do with me. Most of the time, I feel like he hates me anyway.”

“Oh, please. That’s his way to deal with things he can’t really understand yet. Not the best option if you ask me, but I can’t really tell what the right thing to do is. Magnus is like a father to me, bute ven if he wasn’t and I was actually interested in sex, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be my cup of tea.”

Simon stared at him. “You’re not into sex?” He couldn’t believe he was asking that, but it was better than imagining Raphael having sex with Magnus in a paralel universe.

Very casually, Raphael confirmed, “No.”

“So that’s why Izzy was so disappointed…” concluded Simon, remembering something she had mentioned when talking about the ‘cure’ for whatever was going on between Jace and Simon. That was when he caught Raphael’s irritated look, and raised his hands. “Ok, you’re asexual. I get it. That’s cool.” With that, the other vampire went back to focusing on his wardrobe. “I wish I was like you, it’d save me a lot of trouble.”

“You sure about that?” asked Raphael, like he knew otherwise. Simon just shrugged. Raphael took a deep breath, taking out a shirt and then finally choosing a suit. “Look, Jace is living with Magnus because he doesn’t want to run into you at the Institute. Just like you when you avoided him, he’s scared.”

That was kind of funny, and Simon snorted. “I dont’ think so. Jace is never scared. And there’s nothing to be scared of anyway.”

“Really?” said Raphael, turning to him.

“ _Really_ ,” answered Simon, although he was sure of the contrary.

Then they both went silent, until Raphael stopped paying attention to his clothes and got closer to Simon. “Ok, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t deal with bullshit when I see it right in front of my face, amigo.”

“Bullshit?” asked Simon, pretending he didn’t understand  
.  
“Yes. Didn’t you leave Clary because of Jace?”

“No. I left her because I couldn’t deal with the fact that I was cheating on her. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“That’s very honorable from you, since no one deserves such a thing and I certainly wouldn’t allow it. Have you even talked to her yet? Have you apologized?”

“I tried, but she’s not answering my calls. I looked for her at the Institute but Izzy said she was always on a mission. She doesn’t want to talk to me, so I’ll give her some time, and then… I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll ever be friends again.”

“She’ll come around, I’m sure. But she’s not the only stupid thing you did. You disappeared. You avoided the Institute, just like Jace is doing now, so that you wouldn’t have to face what was driving you crazy, and after that, when you came back, you refused to stay there yet again and started living here,” said Raphael. “Not that I mind the company, but you look miserable all the time. I’ve seen you when someone talks about Jace, you know. You’re always listening more. That, for me, means you did everything because of him, because you care.”

It was like every word hit Simon where it hurt the most. He’d tried to deny it, he’d tried to push it away, but in the end, he knew it was inevitable to accept the truth of the situation. He turned away from the other vampire, ashamed. “Maybe. But you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, but I do,” said Raphael, behind him. “You know that I was addicted to Isabelle’s blood. Alec even punched me because of what I did. I thought Isabelle and I were just like him and Magnus, but I was wrong. In our case there wasn’t any physical attraction involved, so it was not the same. Still, I was so sure Isabelle and I had something no one could break. We just needed time to confirm that, without any blood involved.”

“And what did you find out?” Simon asked. Deep down inside, he was scared of the answer.

“Our bond didn’t hold up,” muttered Raphael, and Simon gulped. Raphael looked disappointed and frustrated. “We spent some time apart and we realized that we didn’t think that much about each other. We moved on as friends and that was it. What we felt… how we couldn’t be separated, no matter how wrong it was… it was all because of the blood.”

“So what you mean is…”

“That what you and Jace have is actually different.” Raphael got closer. “Whatever it is, it endured. Even through the distance, from the way you react I know you thought about him in ways that were not always physical. I can see it in your face. It practically screams that he’s special to you.”

Simon didn’t know what to say. He mumbled something but he couldn’t even figure out what it meant. “I…”

“Go see him. Figure it out,” Raphael encouraged him. “And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, and you stay friends, but you better live it to the fullest. You’re gonna be young forever, after all.” He turned to his shirts and suits again. “Besides, if you go out tonight, I’ll finally have some time for myself without having to hear you talking all the time.”

Although Raphael could not see him, Simon smiled awkwardly at the comment. Even though he had many questions, he knew that the conversation was over. It wasn’t like he could make Raphael his personal therapist and talk about what he felt for Jace. That weird exchange in that room had been a one time thing and would not be repeated.

He walked over to the living room and sat on the couch for a moment. Raphael was right. If they couldn’t beat their feelings with the distance, they had to figure out by being adults about it and checking what the options were. If he and Jace got to an agreement to stay friends instead of avoiding each other or starting to banter every time they talked, they would have an actual chance of controlling what they had.

He grabbed a jacket and when he had just walked though the DuMort’s main door, he stopped in his tracks. 

Jace was there, waiting outside. He was wearing his favorite leather jacket, with his hands on his pockets. “Hey.”

“Hi,” said Simon, not really knowing why Jace was there, but at least it was a step forward to the serious talk he hoped to have. “What are you doing here?”

“Mind if we take a walk?” Jace said with worried eyes.

“Ok… sure.”

During the walk over to the next block, Jace did not say anything. Simon kept going beside him, waiting for the right moment to speak, but it never seemed to arrive. Finally, he got the courage to say, “So… Is Clary ok?”

“Yeah. Still sad, but good,” muttered Jace, and he suddenly got into an alley. “C’mon,” he asked Simon to follow him.

The alley was not dark unless you were at the end of it. Even though Jace had walked them over there to talk in a private spot, he seemed nervous and kept running one hand though his hair as he walked around in circles. “I’m sorry that I brought you here. I’m sure you had more important things to do than this when you left the DuMort, so I will be brief,” he apologized, and it was so weird that Simon felt guilty.

“Actually, I was… I was going to see you,” he confessed. Jace stopped walking and stood where he was all of a sudden. “I thought we… we could talk about what we’re going through as adults and reach an agreement about how to deal with it as from now on. We can’t keep doing what we’ve doing.”

“You’re right,” said Jace. “That’s why I want you to know exactly what is happening to me. That’s the first step, right? And then you tell me what’s going on with you and we negotiate.”

All right, so Jace was treating this like some sort of paperwork he had to push through. “Sure,” agreed Simon, not feeling it was a good idea.

Jace rubbed his face and rested his hands on his hips. Then he looked at Simon with desperate eyes. “I hate wanting you,” he muttered, and Simon felt his cheeks get hot. “But at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about you. I really can’t. I… it’s not just the sex, do you understand? At least not for me. When you were away, I wondered what you were doing, and how you were feeling, and if we’d be together again, in any way, when you were back,” he added. “All that time, I missed you.” 

He stopped, and Simon swallowed. Hard.

“But I know it’s stupid,” said Jace. “I know the situation is even more difficult for you, because you left Clary to avoid hurting her, and that was a good decision. I would have done the same thing. The problem is, I don’t know what to do with what I’m feeling. Magnus says it could be love… I don’t know about that. It’s too new and I’m pretty sure that you don’t feel the same.” He took a deep breath. “Just tell me, please. I need to figure this out so that I can focus on finding the Soul Sword. If not, all I will be able to do is worry about you and me. Can you help me out with that? Just tell me to back off and I will, I just need to hear you reject me so that I can move on.”

It was so strange to see Jace talking so fast and so heavily, like he was Simon himself. Simon stared at him without knowing what to say or what to do… until Jace concluded, “Ok, the lack of response is also enough for an answer… I get it. I won’t bother you anymore… Thank you.”

He seemed relieved but at the same time disappointed. He turned to the alley, ready to leave. For Simon, there it was - a turning point developing in front of his eyes. What had Jace suggesting? Did he only want a response? If Simon said no, would he be able to control his emotions, considering how intense they were? And if Simon said yes, what would the next step be? 

By the time Jace had almost left the alley completely, Simon knew that there was only one thing he was sure of - it would be impossible for him to live forever with a “What if…”

Raphael’s words echoed inside his head. 

_Figure it out. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, and you stay friends, but you better live it to the fullest. You’re gonna be young forever, after all._

So, Simon went towards Jace, grabbed him by his jacket and brough him back into the alley. In fact, he took him towards the end of it, where it was darker, and looked at him very closely, their faces only inches apart.

“What…?” said Jace, surprised.

“I don’t want to reject you. In fact… I want the opposite. If you’re ok with it.” Simon was breathing heavily against Jace’s neck, and even though he could feel the blood pulsing inside Jace’s body, he didn’t take advantage of that. He wanted to enjoy the moment, let himself go. “Please… Just say yes,” he muttered, and Jace just looked at him and nodded briefly. 

///

Their lips touched and the first kiss was strange, as if they’d never really done that before. In a way, it was true. The closest they’d got to that had been when Jace had denied he wanted to kiss Simon, just to do exactly that, one second later. This time, it felt like something softer and more concious, until Simon placed his mouth on Jace’s neck and just licked the skin. He didn’t go further, but still…

“Ahhh…” moaned Jace, closing his eyes, shivering as he grabbed Simon’s body and pulled it closer to his. He trapped one of Simon’s legs between his own and started grinding against him to get as much friction as possible. He swallowed hard, not able to say coherent words just from the intense waves of pleasure. “Fuck…”

And then the lights of a car passing by illumited them for a second, and he remembered where they were.

“Wait,” whispered Jace, trying to make his mind go back to reality, even if the world was spinning at the time. He felt Simon’s tongue laping at his neck, and pushed him gently. “Hey, I mean it.” They looked at each other with need, but Jace had to regain self-control or they were going to put on a show in public. “Someone could see us… or hear us.”

“Um… ok,” said Simon, nodding slowly with eyes half closed in ecstasy, and licking his lips. 

Jace got closer to Simon, feeling the inevitable attraction, and then turn around, almost out of breath. “Follow me.” 

He grabbed Simon’s hand and guided him across the street and then onto an abandoned building. There, they got to the terrace and when Jace closed the door behind him, they looked at a wonderful view of the city, all full of stars and colorful lights.

Jace watched Simon as he contemplated New York with big curious brown eyes, smiling. 

“What is this place?” Simon asked.

“Sometimes I spend time here. It helps me clear my mind. I never tell anyone about it,” answered Jace, joining him. “But I thought you’d like it, so… here we are.”

Simon turned to him with a dark look on his face. “Jace Wayland… I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“I’m not… well, there’s so much I don’t know about myself anymore,” Jace said, not really sure about why he’d thought about that place, and why it felt so natural and normal to have Simon there. Then he got closer to the vampire that made him feel weak on the knees, and muttered, “I know this is not what you expected, but it helps building the atmosphere.”

Simon blushed and smiled, and got even closer. “Not sure if we really need that, but no one can see us here. Or hear us, right?” he asked softly. 

The wind blew very slowly, and Simon was so close Jace could feel his breath over his skin. “No,” he whispered, and then he captured Simon’s lips with his.

They kissed without hurry, and Jace placed his hands around Simon’s face to get the right angle. Soon the kiss had deepened and he could feel Simons’ hands on his hips, urging him to get closer, sometimes so much that Jace could feel his erection through their pants. 

Jace smiled against his lips. Who knew Simon Lewis as such a provocative bastard. “So… what would you like to do, Simon?” he asked, breaking the kiss. 

Simon laughed. “Well… I don’t know… I feel like I should say something like they do on dirty movies… not that I ever watch them, obviously”, he joked. His cheeks got red when he said in a lower voice, “Something like, ‘get on your knees, now’.”

The corner of Jace’s mouth curved up, happily surprised. “Mmm. _Bossy_ ,” he said, placing a kiss on Simon’s lips. “I like it.” He tried to kiss him again, but Simon stopped him with a worried look on his face.

“Oh, you don’t actually have to do it or anything. I haven’t drunk any of your blood tonight. You can still make decisions and I don’t want to push you into something you’re not comfortable with…” mumbled Simon, but Jace got to his knees and looked up, knowing that it would make him shut up. Simon swallowed, not taking his eyes off him. “I…”

“Shhhh,” asked Jace, placing one finger over his own lips. Then he pushed Simon towards the wall and proceeded to slowly open his vampire’s jeans. First the button, then the zipper… oh, so fucking slowly. It was killing Jace not to move faster, but he was enjoying the teasing so much that it was reward enough for now. He almost never stopped looking at Simon, who just stared back with half-closed eyes like he was mesmerized.

And then, there it was. Simon’s cock in front of Jace.

“Are you sur-” started Simon, but Jace cut him off by grabbing his dick and slapping it against his stuck-out tongue. “Oh, God.” 

Having no point of comparison, Jace worked that cock as he would have liked someone to do it to him. He sucked, licked and swirled his tongue around the tip, and then without any more teasing went down on Simon like his life depended on it. He could feel Simon pulsing inside his mouth and throat while he tried to breathe in and out, feel Simon’s fingers grabbing his hair, and hear Simon’s moans non-stop. 

“Jace… I… You gotta stop or I…” warned Simon, but Jace just kept sucking and when Simon came with a soft moan, he swallowed. When he was finished and got up, Simon looked at him like he couldn’t believe what’d just happened. “You Just…”

“Not like it’s the first time,” said Jace, and he moved to cup Simon’s face to kiss him deeply. They removed their jackets and t-shirts bewteen kisses and soon they were back into a comfortable position against the wall. Simon seemed to enjoy the gesture and lazily pursued the touch of his tongue. 

Pushing against Simon’s body, Jace could feel the vampire caressing his back and grabbing his ass deliberately. He was thrusting, desperate for contact, when he heard Simon whisper into his ear, “Jace… it’s your turn now. Tell me what you want.” Next thing he knew, Simon was opening Jace’s pants and slipping a hand inside his boxers. “Just say it.”

“Mmm,” said Jace, closing his eyes to enjoy the movements of Simon’s hand. He couldn’t pronounce any of the things that were going through his head, and all of a sudden he realized that the hand wasn’t there anymore. When he opened his eyes, he found Simon licking his own fingers and then moving them back to where they were before.

Just the sensation of wetness around his cock made him fly back to a place where he could just say and do everything. “You, that’s what I want,” he admitted Jace bluntly, enjoying Simon’s hand stroking him. Every move felt like torture. “ _You_ , inside me.”

Simon froze and his hand stopped.. They found each others’ eyes and Jace felt the urge to kiss a flustered Simon to let him know he really wanted it and that it was ok. So, after a few hesitating looks, it took Simon less than five seconds to remove all of their clothes, thank the Angel for vampire speed.

When Jace felt like they were finally ready, he felt his skin burn under Simon’s gaze. Simon was contemplating him naked against the wall, aroused and his cock waiting for a release… Jace was about to ask him to hurry up when Simon sat on the floor over their discarded clothes and gestured him to do the same.

“Come closer,” Simon asked with a soft voice, laying there.

Jace swallowed, excited about this side of Simon that came out when correctly motivated. He was proud to be the kind of trigger he needed to let himself go and do things he wouldn’t normally do with anybody else. He sat on Simon’s lap, and then brought his own fingers to his mouth, but Simon stopped him. 

“Let me.”

Jace blinked once, twice, and then got what he meant. He nodded and offered his hand to Simon, who licked the skin slowly and very focused on the task, until the fingers were wonderfully slippery. Turned on like he’d never been before, Jace stretched himself out, the pressure of his own hand inside him besides Simon’s saliva making him her harder and harder.

Soon, he couldn’t wait anymore. He was ready. “Ok,” he said, lowering his face to meet Simon’s.

“Ok? You sure?” asked Simon, moving away a strand of blond hair.

Jace answered, “Yeah,” and rested his face against Simon’s. He closed his eyes, waiting for the moment of truth and then felt the tip of Simon’s member entering him slowly, further and further. “Fuck, fuck, fuck” he muttered to himself, inch by inch, adjusting to a little bit of pain. And then Simon was fully in and “Ah, _yeahhhh_ ,” he whispered, head falling back, his body relaxing at the second, as if he was melting right there, with Simon between his legs, giving in, enjoying it throroughly. 

It just took a second for Simon to start moving, experimentally at first. It seemed that he was trying to be careful and certainly this was Jace’s first time with a man, but that didn’t mean he was a vulnerable flower. He bit his lip, trying to avoid asking, but couldn’t help it when Simon seemed to notice that something more was going on.

“Jace…” he asked, worried, his hands on Jace’s hips.

“Faster.”

Simon’s eyes grew darker bewteen his movements. “But…”

“C’mon, I know you can do better,” said Jace hoarsely, moving faster himself. He leaned over Simon and groaned, “Do it. Do me. Just me.”

His message of desperation came across, because Simon started pushing forward with good rhythm, but it wasn’t enough. Jace pushed back, while Simon thrusted faster and faster. There was only more thing to do to get to what Jace wanted, but he didn’t know if it was the best idea to put it out there.

Thankfully, it was Simon the one that put it into practice. He leaned forward, kissing Jace deeply and caressing his body and messing up his hair, and then licked his neck. They didn’t need to speak to know that it was what they both wanted, and it felt amazing when Simon finally bit Jace’s skin and the blood started to flow.

“Ahh…” moaned Jace as Simon drank and drank, and a tear rolled down his cheek as part of such an intense experience. However, this time, when Simon pulled back and they kissed again, Jace did not mind the bit of blood in Simon’s tongue. In fact, it was the last thing on his mind when Simon started thrusted again and again and again, evidently making good use of the best speed he could reach without hurting his partner.

Partner.

Jace knew that this was so much than sharing blood or having one night stands.

A second later he felt Simon reach his climax, which was still a big surprise for him, and he didn’t make him pull out. Also, it was incredible how Simon managed to ride down his orgasm while simultaneously working out Jace’s cock to make him come with a low groan.

When they were done, they spent a minute just laying there, breathing in and out. For Jace, the situation was so bizarre -being on a terrace with Simon completely naked after having sex freely for the first time- that he couldn’t help but smiling and ultimately, laughing against Simon’s neck.

“Hey... what?” asked Simon, with a questioning look on his face. He looked so spent, yet his cock was half hard. He seemed to be able to have some sorf ot misterious energy that allowed him to regain strength so quickly.

“Mmm, nothing,” said Jace, nuzzling Simon’s neck this time, taking in his scent. “I was just remembering how we got here… When you entered my room, trying to help, and stayed there, and you… you touched me for the first time,” he commented, and snorted. “By the Angel, I had no idea what I was getting into then. I was sooo mad about it.”

Simon laughed. “Me too… that conversation was so weird. If I remember correctly, you said you weren’t like Izzy.”

“Yes, and you were right. About me being _far_ _worse_ than her,” joked Jace, biting at Simon’s neck without hurting the skin.

“Are you sure that’s not the sucking talking?” said Simon, frowning.

“What kind of _sucking_?”

Jace knew he was teasing. Simon got flustered all over again as if they had not just fucked. “Jace…”

“No, really, tell me. You talking about the blood, or…?”

“Why do you do this?”

“I’m not actually kidding. I mean it… I have to say that having you biting me is exciting, but sucking you off like there’s no tomorrow, that’s just… What?”

Now Simon was serious. “I think I should be clear about something - I can’t do dirty talk. I can’t listen to it, much less do it myself. It’s all very weird,” he confessed awkwardly.

Jace thought the only thing Simon needed was a little, well construted push. “Weirder than you being inside me?” he asked, cheeky.

“Please, don’t…”

Jace’s voice got darker. “Stranger than you filling me up, your whole cock buried in me?”

“Oh, god.” Now Simon was seriously red, and also very hard once again. For the third time he seemed to have the stamina to go on, and was so fascinating that Jace had to use it to his advantage. 

Jace’s hand wondered lower and lower, until he started caressing Simon’s cock with feather touches. It was hot and heavy, and his movements went from soft to steadily persistent. “Tell me, I wanna know,” he whispered into Simon’s ear. “Tell me what you enjoyed the most.”

“No…” said Simon, closing his eyes. Jace’s hand was going faster and faster.

“Yes. Tell me.”

“Jace…”

“Tell me, c’mon…”

“Com’…” muttered Simon, all too silently.

“What? What was that, huh? I can’t hear you.”

“Coming…”

Jace smiled. Finally getting to where he wanted. “Ah, yes, I bet you enjoyed that, didn’t you? What exactly did you loved the most about…?”

“Coming inside you.”

“Really?” asked Jace, slightly surprised by the boldness of it, but now, with eyes still closed, Simon was on a roll.

“Yes… yes. How you gave in to me and begged me to fuck you, just to take all my load like it’s what keeps you alive…”

Understanding where Simon was, Jace got closer to his ear and stroked faster. “Yeah, that’s it. Exactly like it. ‘Cause when we are here, alone, you can do whatever you want to me... I let you choose the way to touch me, and let you stay inside me as long as you want… Here, I am all yours… here… I surrender…”

And just with that, with his words and his hand going faster and faster, Simon came. Hard.

Jace smiled, deeply satisfied with his own ability to drive such a wild behavior from him. “See? Well done. I knew you could do it. Good boy,” he congratulated Simon, leaning over his lap to lick his cock and then his fingers stained with cum. He really felt like a dirty angel enjoying a brand new toy he couldn’t get enough of.

But by the time he licked the last finger, he had Simon watching him, and the sun was starting to come out. The corners of the terrace were bathed with golden light, and the breeze was just delightful. 

“Jace…” muttered Simon, watching him, and cupping his face. “Come here.”

“For what exactly?” teased Jace. “What are you gonna do to me, huh?”

Simon looked into his eyes with intent. “Everything.”

Jace laughed and leaned down to kiss him fully, skin sweaty and sticky. With Simon there, it felt like Magnus’ words suddenly had meaning. 

Love.

_It could be. If you let it._

//

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the end. I haven't written fanfiction for a long time, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I certainly did have a very good time creating this story. :)  
> Thank you for reading!


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